I’ve been Jonesing for a tattoo for a while now.  A few months.  I had drawn up a few ideas about three or four years ago and I still like them, but I just don’t have the confidence to put them on my body permanently.

First of all, I don’t think I’m attractive enough to pull off a tattoo.  Secondly, due to my PCOS, I have a lot of insecurities with physical symptoms that have manifested themselves on my skin; I don’t feel comfortable with the thought of a tattoo artist seeing that or having to explain why it’s there.

Finally, and most importantly, I have the worst case of buyer’s remorse about everything.  I even regret buying groceries as soon as I get in my car.  It’s ridiculous.  I’m scared that as much as I could love a tattoo in theory, in a picture or after it’s been drawn up for me, I have this gut feeling that as soon as it’s inked on me I will regret it for the rest of my life.  I already dislike myself enough as it is, I don’t need to add another reason to the list that will be around forever.

Behind the cut are just a few photos of tattoos I really like, although none are even similar to the ideas I have drawn up for myself…

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Sexism: Not Cool

I never get involved in feminism or sexism or racism or pretty much any -isms of that nature because it just gets too heated in a group of people.  However, I just experienced something that can be explained by nothing other than I am female and my dad is not.

On Friday the check engine light in my car came on.  On Saturday I took it to the mechanic to have it fixed.  After sitting there waiting for 5 hours they told me they didn’t have the right part and it would have to be ordered.  I had to take yesterday off work to bring my car back, where I proceeded to wait another 4 hours for them to fix my car.  $750 later I think I’m all set – how naive.

1 mile into my drive to work this morning and the check engine light ignites again; I’m pretty sure I actually punched my steering wheel.  Luckily because of the holiday, the office was closing at 1pm.  So at 12:45 I snuck out and went straight to the mechanic.  I had called them at 8am after I got to the office to let them know I would be bringing it in, and they were already giving me the hem-and-haw “I don’t know if we can look at it” answer.

So I show up a few minutes after 1pm and the guy says, “Ohhh I don’t know, we’re all booked up.  Can you come back Friday?”  No, I tell him, I can’t.  I can’t take another day off work because I just took yesterday off.  He then tells me no one will be around on Saturday to do an engine diagnostic test either so it will have to wait TEN DAYS until the following Saturday to be looked at.  Unacceptable.  First of all, I have no other mode of transportation and I live by myself with no family or friends in the area.  I need my car.  I try to strong arm them into looking at it, reminding them I was just there for 9 hours the last four days and spent $750.  No dice.

It took a phone call to my dad who spoke to them calmly for the miraculous turn of events to unfold: suddenly someone would be available in an hour to do a diagnostic test on my engine!  Wow, incredible!  It’s truly amazing that no one would be able to fix it for ten days and suddenly someone will be able to look at it in one hour.

So I go sit in the waiting room, again, by myself around 1:45.  I figured I would give them to 3:45 and then I would see how it’s going.  At 3:30 the guy who originally told me there’s probably no way he could even run the test today walks over, hands me my keys and says it’s all fixed.  FOR FREE.

I thanked him profusely for helping me and left happy, but this makes me wonder why when I was by myself it was an impossible request, but involving my dad as a last resort gets the job done?  Why do they expect females to just roll over and accept the original no but somehow find the time, people and ability to charge me $0 when a man wants the same job done?

Writer’s Block Leads to This

I’ve been trying to come up with a post to create for my blog but I am left with several topics that all feel boring and useless.  Not that a list is very interesting either, but I’m hoping it will help me think of stories I can tell later on.

Eleven Facts About Me

  1. I m-u-s-t sleep with a fan of some sort.  I prefer ceiling fans, but my apartment doesn’t have any, so I bought 2 Lasko standing fans, one for the bedroom and one for the living room.  Even in winter fans are on full blast around me; I just cannot stand being warm.  I would much rather be freezing and add blankets.  I even have a fan on my desk at work to move the air around and be more comfortable.
  2. Related, if I could live in any climate it would be one similar to Seattle – 65 degrees and rain is my favorite.
  3. My two completely unrealistic dream jobs would be stand up comedian or Food Network chef.
  4. I was a competitive figure skater for 11 years and a competitive golfer for 9 years.  Both of those things had a huge impact on my life.
  5. I love learning about birds, specifically eagles, hawks and owls.
  6. I’m a perfectionist when it comes to certain things, like crafts, coloring, scrapbooking, desk organization, corporate e-mail organization and dishware organization.  It’s weird the types of things I spend time on in terms of making sure they look perfect.
  7. I’ve been to Europe once and I’m 90% sure I saved my cousins from pickpockets.
  8. I have PCOS which affects my daily life in a multitude of ways.
  9. My favorite color is purple which was actually my least favorite color the first 20 years of my life.
  10. I refuse to eat raw tomatoes, olives or green peppers.
  11. I like the look of odd numbers much more than even numbers.  🙂

How to Be Alone

This video has had a profound effect on me. I’ve watched it several times, before and after my move. I’ve been mostly friendless for four years now. My college friends are all in the Pittsburgh area still and my two closest friends are back in Chicago.

Recently this video inspired me to go to a movie by myself for the first time ever. Weird experience, if I’m being honest. It’s hard sitting there watching couples and friends laugh and share popcorn while you’re by yourself. I’m glad I did it (and did it again on my birthday a week ago) because it was step 1 of being alone but not lonely.

I’m no where near comfortable enough to sit alone in a restaurant. I go grocery shopping and to Bed Bath and Beyond or Home Goods to browse on my own. And now the movies. I’m not sure what to try next but I feel like I should keep pushing myself to do more things like this and to be okay with it.

I hope my sharing of this helps even just one person.


Pinteresting Find of the Day 6/30/13

Hi my name is Alison and I’m a Pinterest junkie.

I could easily spend hours just browsing DIYs, recipes, tattoos, holiday ideas, home decor, gift ideas, crafts, etc. on Pinterest.  I think it’s a great bookmarking tool that, when utilized correctly, categorizes things in a manner that makes it easy to re-discover later.  I’ve made several recipes I’ve found on Pinterest and have many DIY/craft ideas I would like to try saved there too.  That is why I thought I would sporadically post a Pinteresting Find of the Day.

The above link in the title will take you to 37 Gifts in a Jar.  What a great idea!  I love homemade gifts when they are classy and thoughtful.  When I was a kid some of the holiday gifts I would give to teachers were cookies in a jar recipes (like #16) that they could bake on their own time.  They were fun to build with my mom and were a better presentation than delivering a dozen cookies on a plate.

The links include a wide variety from food to crafts to thoughtful gifts for many occasions.  Hope you enjoy!

Saturday Night’s Alright for Blogging

This is a serious question: How do you meet local friends in your mid-twenties?

This is something I’ve struggled with since graduating from college.  Growing up I always had a lot of friends; it’s never been something that is difficult for me.  But after graduating, I quickly realized that friends are hard to come by when you’re not in a school setting with like-minded peers.

Most people I work with have kids who are almost my age and while I enjoy working with them, I will not be hanging out with them any time soon.  I’ve also just moved across the U.S. and am not familiar with the area which puts me at a disadvantage.  I joined in hopes of finding some groups that seemed interesting, but because of my Only Child Syndrome, most of my interests do not rely on other people.  I like reading, cooking, watching movies, jigsaw puzzles, crafts, watching sports, video games and browsing the internet; I don’t need a group of people to do any of that.  Moreover, typical “single girls” groups on there are going out for spa days or to a bar/club or out shopping, none of which I have any interest in and which would only make my anxiety unbearable.

So, I really just don’t know how to meet people.  I suppose I could volunteer or join a book club or take cooking classes and hope I meet some people, but it feels like a shot in the dark.  Is this how it goes for the rest of life?  You meet people when you’re young and you grow apart with age and that’s it?  Most people replace friendships with families and don’t need to see friends?  What about the eternally single people (like myself) who don’t have a family and who probably won’t have one any time soon if ever?

Most of the people I speak to now are online that I’ve met through a few websites.  That’s okay, too, as I enjoy speaking with them and think of them as friends, but it would be nice if I could meet up with someone every once in a while for a movie or dessert or something.


We Are the Champions

My dad hooked me up with the official locker room hat and official puck for my 2013 Stanley Cup champions, the Chicago Blackhawks.

Despite moving to New Jersey in April, my love affair with Chicago sports is as strong as ever. I am a sports fanatic, in fact. Bears, Bulls and Blackhawks are my triple threat and this season for the Hawks was probably even more spectacular than their winning season in 2010.

The 21-0-3 start, Presidents Cup champions, Crawford and Emery winning the William Jennings Trophy for allowing the fewest goals scored against, Kane winning the Conn Smythe as playoff MVP and then, in nothing less than spectacular fashion, my boys bring home the Stanley Cup to Chicago.

Having lived through the Bulls Era (or shall I say Jordan Era) in the 90s but being too young to really remember the first Three-Peat and too young to appreciate the second for what it actually meant makes the 2010 and 2013 Stanley Cup Championships the first of my adulthood for any sport.

I am so proud to call this team MY team as they are exceptional men on and off the ice. The players, coaches and organization are a class act (see: Boston full page ad) and the fans appreciate this team more than words can say. I am elated to have witnessed it and hope I get to see many more.

We Kane. We Shaw. We Crawford. Because it’s the Cup.

I wish more people were like this guy

I don’t have much to add to this photo other than I wish more people felt this way or, in the very least, understood that this school of thought is okay and is how people should be thinking. The fat-phobic sentiments for another person’s body under the guise of health concerns are relentlessly over-played in society.

It is not your body to worry about. It is not your life. Focus on yourself and your life and I will worry about mine.

Fear and Jealousy in Las Vegas

Jealousy is a funny thing.  It becomes really complex when the thing you envy is the thing you are most scared of; I’m still trying to figure out how that’s possible.

It’s one thing to lust after something someone else has and then act on it, either purchasing said thing or working your way to obtain whatever it is you want.  It’s a completely different story when you want something, in theory, but cannot stand the thought of striving for it in practice.

I’m not quite ready to openly discuss how this affects my daily life, but for those confused, it would be like wanting a pet snake but being absolutely petrified of snake bites and therefore avoiding buying a snake.  Even though someone may reeeeeeeeeeeeally want that snake, they stop themselves because their fear (of something that is not guaranteed to happen, mind you) has paralyzed them in a way that prevents them from what they want.

Maybe the snake analogy is a bad example because most people, I’d guess, are afraid of snakes so it seems rational to avoid having one as a pet.  I don’t know how to better explain myself though so it will have to stay for now.

I wish, for myself, that I could learn to either stop being jealous of others who have what I want OR learn to push away the fear and attempt to go after what I want in life.  It’s hard taking that first step, though, and forcing myself out of my comfort zone.  I’ve grown to be petrified of something that others see as normal, everyday and even mundane things.  For that reason, I think, I am even more scared.

To be continued, I’m sure…